Why Women Underestimate Their Intelligence and How to Change That

Hello my fellow badasses. Studies have shown that women continuously underestimate their intelligence, even when their skills are in fact equal to or superior to that of their male counterparts. Why is this?  Why do the smartest, most badass female attorneys underestimate their intelligence?

First, this belief may literally be the result of our brain chemistry.  Studies suggest there might actually be a difference in men and women’s brain chemistry when it comes to our reactions to fear and stress.  Studies of the amygdalae – the brain’s primitive fear center that also processes emotional memories and determines our response to stressful situations – show that women’s amygdale tend to activate more easily in response to negative emotional stimuli than men’s.  This suggests that women are more likely than men to form strong emotional memories of negative events.  

It follows that when you’re evaluating your intelligence, my fellow badass, you’re more likely than a man not only to have a stronger reaction to any indication of your own shortcomings, but also to remember those perceived shortcomings.  And, if you remember and ruminate on something, it’s more likely to become a part of your belief system about yourself.  

Another reason you may hold the belief that you’re not intelligent is that you may have picked up this belief from a parent or even a close friend who holds that same limiting belief. Unfortunately, parents who hold limiting beliefs about themselves are likely to pass these down to their children. 

And once your brain has this belief (or any belief), it is extremely good at scanning for and finding evidence to support the belief regardless of whether it’s actually true.  Your brain is good at finding evidence, period. But it’s not necessarily good a creating your beliefs based on objective evidence or positive evidence.  So, you’ve likely been looking for and building evidence that your flawed beliefs are true (even though they are not), then reinforcing those flawed beliefs with constant new evidence.  If you focus on a more positive belief about yourself, you’re going to find evidence for it (I promise).  

Now, my lovely lady lawyer, comes the hard part – changing your limiting belief.  I could (and will) write of whole blog post all about changing limiting beliefs, but the abbreviated version for you to try on right now is this

Five-Step Process To Changing a Belief

1) Write down your belief.  

Everything is more real and more easily processed on paper.

2) Write down your reasons for your belief.

As you’re doing this, maintain a sense of self-compassion. Get curious (not judgmental) about why you have this belief (i.e. “my mother/father doesn’t believe in him/her own intelligence so this thought pattern seems normal to me”).

Challenge your belief by asking, “Can I really, objectively know that this is true?” And write down all the counter arguments - all the evidence that your belief is wrong. You may be able to come up with very little, but this is not proof that your belief is true, it’s proof of your brain’s confirmation bias. (See my post on confirmation bias.)    

3) Write down how you feel when you think this belief. 

Accept the feelings as they come.  Don’t be in a rush to change them.  This process can take a day or a week or a month or years.  Every person and every thought is unique. But when you’re ready to change your belief, move to step 4.

4) Decide on a new belief.

Start with something you actually believe, perhaps something like, “I have above-average intelligence,” or, “I got through law school and passed the bar.” If you’re having trouble with a positive believe, start with a neutral belief like, “I have a brain.”

An important note is that you have to actually believe the new thought in order for this practice to work.  So, pick a thought that you can believe.  You’ll know that you truly believe it if you feel a small sense of relief in your body and mind when you think it.

Then, whenever your negative belief sneaks up on you, replace it with the neutral or positive belief.

Don’t worry if you need to start with a neutral belief (instead of a positive one). With practice, you will eventually be able to believe more positive thoughts.

5) Practice your new belief. 

I’m not kidding you.  Write it down, read it once a day (or more), and practice thinking it when your thoughts start veering toward the negative.

This will literally cause your brain to create new neural pathways, and with time you will believe the new thought.  Then you can move on to an even better thought, like for instance, “I am a badass.” :)